Mother's Little Helper
As the biggest Yankee fan in the dominion, I feel obligated to comment on the shocking (!) news that Alex Rodriguez used steroids a few years back. I think we should take a shortcut in the future and try to identify the players who HAVEN'T used roids. Because it looks as if most of the league was juicing at one time. As for A-Rod - there are many reasons to feel sorry for this over-paid superstar (I know - how to you feel sorry for a guy knocking down $27 million a year?) First of all - it appears that the guy is so insecure that one wonders how he gets out of bed in the morning. Secondly - he had to date Madonna. Enuff said about that. But the real reason I feel sorry for him? He got ripped off. A-Rod is a much better ballplayer than Sammy (I no speak English)Sosa and Mark (um, I don't want to talk about the past) McGwire, and he's at least as good as SwollenHead Barry Bonds. However - when these three bozos started doing steroids, they jumped from 40 homers a year to 65, 70 and more. Poor A-Rod - he must've gotten the inferior juice because he never made it to 60. He should find that dealer and beat a refund out of him. Then go home and frost his hair.
While A-Rod was composing his insecure apology, Michael Phelps was getting over the news that Kellogg was no longer his endorsement homey. This because of a photo of the Olympic swimmer surfaced - a cellphone pic of him apparently trying to suck the bottom out of a bong. (by the way, somebody should shove a box of corn flakes up the photographer's nose - what a weasel). Now I really don't think that marijuana has ever been considered a performance enhancing drug, but I guess its use is a bad example for the youth of today. Strange how just Olympic athletes are held to this standard. If the owners of the various NFL teams learned that the ONLY vice their players had was a propensity for smoking a little boo, they'd fall to their knees and thank the ghost of Vince Lombardi. Besides, who says that pot is bad for athletic performance? I recall the 1960 Olympics, when Cheech and Chong took home 27 medals between them.
One more item. A few days ago, a chimpanzee in Connecticut attacked a woman, seriously injuring her. The chimp's owner later admitted to giving the animal the anti-anxiety drug Xanax. The chimp was shot and killed after the attack. There's something not right about that. These other guys took the drugs willingly. The poor chimp was nothing but a pawn in the game.
At least he didn't have to date Madonna.
While A-Rod was composing his insecure apology, Michael Phelps was getting over the news that Kellogg was no longer his endorsement homey. This because of a photo of the Olympic swimmer surfaced - a cellphone pic of him apparently trying to suck the bottom out of a bong. (by the way, somebody should shove a box of corn flakes up the photographer's nose - what a weasel). Now I really don't think that marijuana has ever been considered a performance enhancing drug, but I guess its use is a bad example for the youth of today. Strange how just Olympic athletes are held to this standard. If the owners of the various NFL teams learned that the ONLY vice their players had was a propensity for smoking a little boo, they'd fall to their knees and thank the ghost of Vince Lombardi. Besides, who says that pot is bad for athletic performance? I recall the 1960 Olympics, when Cheech and Chong took home 27 medals between them.
One more item. A few days ago, a chimpanzee in Connecticut attacked a woman, seriously injuring her. The chimp's owner later admitted to giving the animal the anti-anxiety drug Xanax. The chimp was shot and killed after the attack. There's something not right about that. These other guys took the drugs willingly. The poor chimp was nothing but a pawn in the game.
At least he didn't have to date Madonna.
posted by Brad Smith at
4:42 PM
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