A Tale Of Two Idiots
Those among us who know a little of Ernest Hemingway know him to have been a good - and sometimes great - novelist, and a literary stylist whose prose changed the way people write. He was also a hunter and a fisherman, a boxer and a braggart and a boozer. But until quite recently, I never knew Papa to be a prophet. Yet he was. I know - because he predicted Tiger Woods and Sarah Palin. In his novel For Whom The Bell Tolls we find this passage -
There are two kinds of fools. First there is the winter fool. The winter fool comes to the door of your house and he knocks loudly. He is an impressive sight. He is a very big man and he has on high boots and a fur coat and a fur hat and he is all covered with snow. First he stamps his boots and snow falls from them. Then he takes off his fur hat and knocks it against the door. More snow falls from his fur hat. Then he stamps his boots again and advances into the room. Then you look at him and you see he is a fool. That is the winter fool. Now in the summer you see a fool going down the street and he is waving his arms and jerking his head from side to side and everybody from two hundred yards away can tell he is a fool. That is the summer fool.
Fast forward to the waning days of 2009. And here we find our winter fool - Tiger Woods. It has taken a lot of years for that snow to fall from him, but it has happened, and it’s been an avalanche. We see now that the guy is basically a joke. His image is as phony as Canada’s commitment to cut greenhouse gases. Not only that, but he appears to be operating on as many brain cells as your average rock. Did he really think that he would get away with all these dalliances in this age of texting, cell phones, paparazzi, etc? Not likely, Eldrick. Add in the fact that he was cavorting with a bunch of skanks who couldn’t spell the word discretion, let alone exercise it, and this is what you get. Or maybe Tiger was just determined to prove true the Robin Williams adage - “God gave man a brain and a penis and just enough blood to run one of them at a time.”
And what of our summer fool? Well, Ms. Palin sure fits the bill. There is nothing covert here. She is such an idiot she might as well be wearing her clothes inside out and have snot flying from her nose. Who would want this woman around?
Hamilton, that’s who.
Well, at least a certain ill-advised segment of Hamilton. It was recently announced - with much fanfare - that she had been hired to make a speech at some restaurant in that city. Attendees will be required to pay to listen to her (which is roughly akin to being charged to watch me, in a tutu, performing Swan Lake) and the money raised would then go to local hospitals. Oops. It was quickly noted that Ms. Palin thinks our health care system is pretty much a communist plot, one that will in due time collapse society as we know it and land us all on a commune in the frozen tundra, eating raw potatoes and making our own vodka in a steel drum. (I like that making our own vodka part) Of course, general outrage ensued. The clear-thinking folks of Hamilton wanted nothing to do with this dimwit. And so a different beneficiary was quickly found, one that supports a local children’s charity. Apparently Sarah has no problem with children, even those who might be the spawn of left-leaning losers. This is understandable, as she herself has the deductive skills of your average two-year-old.
Both fools will carry on. Tiger will get divorced - or not - and then he’ll be back playing golf, something he does better than anyone alive, and maybe better than anyone ever. He’ll learn the wisdom of discretion. At the very least, he’s about to discover the price tag of indiscretion.
Sarah Palin will not become president. Nor will she become the Republican candidate for that office in 2012. The GOP has a lot of problems these days but it is smart enough to know that this harpy is not the solution to any of them. However, she might very well end up with her own TV show. Of course, it would have to be on Fox.
Because Fox has no policy against morons hosting talk shows. In fact, they pretty much insist upon it.
There are two kinds of fools. First there is the winter fool. The winter fool comes to the door of your house and he knocks loudly. He is an impressive sight. He is a very big man and he has on high boots and a fur coat and a fur hat and he is all covered with snow. First he stamps his boots and snow falls from them. Then he takes off his fur hat and knocks it against the door. More snow falls from his fur hat. Then he stamps his boots again and advances into the room. Then you look at him and you see he is a fool. That is the winter fool. Now in the summer you see a fool going down the street and he is waving his arms and jerking his head from side to side and everybody from two hundred yards away can tell he is a fool. That is the summer fool.
Fast forward to the waning days of 2009. And here we find our winter fool - Tiger Woods. It has taken a lot of years for that snow to fall from him, but it has happened, and it’s been an avalanche. We see now that the guy is basically a joke. His image is as phony as Canada’s commitment to cut greenhouse gases. Not only that, but he appears to be operating on as many brain cells as your average rock. Did he really think that he would get away with all these dalliances in this age of texting, cell phones, paparazzi, etc? Not likely, Eldrick. Add in the fact that he was cavorting with a bunch of skanks who couldn’t spell the word discretion, let alone exercise it, and this is what you get. Or maybe Tiger was just determined to prove true the Robin Williams adage - “God gave man a brain and a penis and just enough blood to run one of them at a time.”
And what of our summer fool? Well, Ms. Palin sure fits the bill. There is nothing covert here. She is such an idiot she might as well be wearing her clothes inside out and have snot flying from her nose. Who would want this woman around?
Hamilton, that’s who.
Well, at least a certain ill-advised segment of Hamilton. It was recently announced - with much fanfare - that she had been hired to make a speech at some restaurant in that city. Attendees will be required to pay to listen to her (which is roughly akin to being charged to watch me, in a tutu, performing Swan Lake) and the money raised would then go to local hospitals. Oops. It was quickly noted that Ms. Palin thinks our health care system is pretty much a communist plot, one that will in due time collapse society as we know it and land us all on a commune in the frozen tundra, eating raw potatoes and making our own vodka in a steel drum. (I like that making our own vodka part) Of course, general outrage ensued. The clear-thinking folks of Hamilton wanted nothing to do with this dimwit. And so a different beneficiary was quickly found, one that supports a local children’s charity. Apparently Sarah has no problem with children, even those who might be the spawn of left-leaning losers. This is understandable, as she herself has the deductive skills of your average two-year-old.
Both fools will carry on. Tiger will get divorced - or not - and then he’ll be back playing golf, something he does better than anyone alive, and maybe better than anyone ever. He’ll learn the wisdom of discretion. At the very least, he’s about to discover the price tag of indiscretion.
Sarah Palin will not become president. Nor will she become the Republican candidate for that office in 2012. The GOP has a lot of problems these days but it is smart enough to know that this harpy is not the solution to any of them. However, she might very well end up with her own TV show. Of course, it would have to be on Fox.
Because Fox has no policy against morons hosting talk shows. In fact, they pretty much insist upon it.
posted by Brad Smith at
9:40 AM
5 Comments:
I don't know, Mr. Smith.
I would pay good money to see you in a tutu.
Very interesting..
good to see you havent lost your edge Brad!!!!
I too would like to see Swan Lake presenting BJ Smith
Hilarious! Fox just announced Palin's been hired as a pundit. Doesn't that beat all? Way to call it, Brad.
who else would this be?
dc
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