Olympic Rings & Scientific Circles
Does anybody out there give a rat’s ass about the Olympics these days? I mean, the actual athletic events - where steroid cheats and German laboratory freaks compete for shiny chunks of bling to dangle from their thick necks? The Olympic Torch is currently on a world-wide tour - like fellow flamer Elton John - and every day we hear of protests against it. The torch has its own security team traveling with it. That alone should tell you that this thing is out of control. Torches don’t need bodyguards. I have an old flashlight here that comes and goes as it pleases and none of the neighbours seem to give a damn.
Of course, the problem is China, and - as problems go - this one’s a real motherfucker. Someone once told Napoleon that China was a "sleeping giant" and the little Frenchman replied, "Let her sleep. When she awakes, she will move the world." Well, she is awake these days, folks. And she’s quite a scamp - trampling on human rights, ignoring the environment, and attempting, for some reason, to add a little dash of lead to everything she manufactures. There are huge problems in dealing with China, and going there to compete in athletic games that are increasingly irrelevant won’t do a damn thing to address these concerns. Let the Olympics die. Who cares if some mutant Jose Canseco look-alike can lift a school bus over his fat empty head? Not me.
Okay, 2008 is depressing. Let’s go to 1860. A reader in Kansas City sent me this link recently. In my novel Busted Flush, I speculated that my hero Willy Burns might have recorded Abe Lincoln’s voice at Gettysburg in 1863, an act that would have trumped old Tom Edison’s ace and made quite a splash in scientific circles (not that I have ever been in such a circle). Many people assumed that the notion was just a figment of my imagination, but it was in fact based on my discovery that Edouard-Leon Scott sold phonautographs as early as 1858, for research purposes, and may have recorded voices in the process - even though he didn’t have the capability of playing the sound back. This new evidence supports that claim. Also, history notes that Scott did indeed visit Lincoln in the White House earlier in 1863 and allegedly recorded the Great Emancipator at that time, in the interest of posterity. If anyone stumbles upon that particular cylinder, give me a shout. I’ll trade you my ‘86 Ford F150 for it, straight up.
I’ll end this with a challenge. I’ve been arguing with my cousin whether or not George W. Bush is the worst American president ever. I say he is. In fact, if the Three Stooges had ever been elected co-presidents, my pick would still be Dubya. If Mike Harris had been elected prez, my pick would still be the current occupant, although that contest would be a little tighter. So who’s the worst? The dithering Buchanan? A despicable Andrew Johnson? Or dopey old Warren G. Harding? I say it’s Dubya in a romp. Anyone who can provide evidence proving otherwise gets a crack at the F150.
Of course, the problem is China, and - as problems go - this one’s a real motherfucker. Someone once told Napoleon that China was a "sleeping giant" and the little Frenchman replied, "Let her sleep. When she awakes, she will move the world." Well, she is awake these days, folks. And she’s quite a scamp - trampling on human rights, ignoring the environment, and attempting, for some reason, to add a little dash of lead to everything she manufactures. There are huge problems in dealing with China, and going there to compete in athletic games that are increasingly irrelevant won’t do a damn thing to address these concerns. Let the Olympics die. Who cares if some mutant Jose Canseco look-alike can lift a school bus over his fat empty head? Not me.
Okay, 2008 is depressing. Let’s go to 1860. A reader in Kansas City sent me this link recently. In my novel Busted Flush, I speculated that my hero Willy Burns might have recorded Abe Lincoln’s voice at Gettysburg in 1863, an act that would have trumped old Tom Edison’s ace and made quite a splash in scientific circles (not that I have ever been in such a circle). Many people assumed that the notion was just a figment of my imagination, but it was in fact based on my discovery that Edouard-Leon Scott sold phonautographs as early as 1858, for research purposes, and may have recorded voices in the process - even though he didn’t have the capability of playing the sound back. This new evidence supports that claim. Also, history notes that Scott did indeed visit Lincoln in the White House earlier in 1863 and allegedly recorded the Great Emancipator at that time, in the interest of posterity. If anyone stumbles upon that particular cylinder, give me a shout. I’ll trade you my ‘86 Ford F150 for it, straight up.
I’ll end this with a challenge. I’ve been arguing with my cousin whether or not George W. Bush is the worst American president ever. I say he is. In fact, if the Three Stooges had ever been elected co-presidents, my pick would still be Dubya. If Mike Harris had been elected prez, my pick would still be the current occupant, although that contest would be a little tighter. So who’s the worst? The dithering Buchanan? A despicable Andrew Johnson? Or dopey old Warren G. Harding? I say it’s Dubya in a romp. Anyone who can provide evidence proving otherwise gets a crack at the F150.
posted by Brad Smith at
2:28 PM
1 Comments:
Is this really a contest? Only W has dithering, despicable and dopey all sewn up in a felon's countenance. The question isn't how tragic a president he's been - it's how the American people put him in power - twice.
Do I get the 150?
Abbey
Post a Comment
<< Home