Roger this, the dodo, Tasmanians

Samuel Johnson once mentioned that patriotism is the last refuge of a scoundrel. And the sainted one, Bob Dylan, borrowing freely from ol' Sam, once sang,

Patrotism is the last refuge to which a scoundrel clings,
Steal a little and they'll throw you in jail,
Steal a lot and they'll make you king

I was thinking of these two fellows yesterday as I was watching Roger Clemens wrap himself in the American flag as he stood before congress, under oath, lying his weasel heart out. Scoundrel is too kind a word for this guy. In the course of protecting his vision of himself as the greatest pitcher of all time, he proceeded to throw his friend, Andy Pettitte, onto the burning bonfire of the Rocket's own reputation and then - for good measure - he heaved his wife on there too. Who knows - he may have run over a few orphans with his Hummer when he left. Aside from a few Republican congressmen with their heads rooted firmly up their asses, there is no doubt now that Clemens cheated constantly and now seems to be willing to lie just as vociferously about that cheating. And when he says he doesn't care about the Hall of Fame...that's another lie. I'm hoping that he will get in the Hall of Fame - by buying a ticket.

In local news...there was a Diane Finley sighting this week! Our local MP - who many had thought had gone the way of the dodo bird, actually showed up in this area. Doing her usual Roy Orbison thing, and handing out money, but not nearly as much as was needed for the town. She also spouted off a little about Caledonia, where Finley sightings have been as rare as rocking horse shit. One wonders just why she would show up now...perhaps looking for her shadow to see how much winter is left? Or maybe - just maybe she's here because of the rumoured (and ill-advised) election we might have this spring. Shoring up the old profile, you know? Tell you what - if this do-nothing tinhorn gets elected next time around, I'm moving to Tasmania.

Speaking of Caledonia, I have a good buddy who teaches high school there and by all accounts, he is one of the best teachers ever in that facility. Sorry, I should say he used to teach high school there. Right now, he's cooling his heels at home because he's been charged with assaulting a student. Now I don't know the details of this particular case but I have a pretty good idea that, as assaults go, I've had sneezes that were more violent. Again, I can not speak to this case directly but I have several friends who are teachers and I have learned that things are different these days. Back in the day, we often got into trouble because we were trouble. And when it happened, the last people we wanted to know about it were our parents. But kids have changed over the years. Apparently, they are now perfect little darlings and and as such never ever require discipline. So, if ever they are disciplined, of course they run home to Mommy and Daddy, who - knowing that their children are perfect little darlings - have no recourse but to blame the teacher. Sounds like a fun system to me. By the way, I'm also told that Grade 2 kids now routinely tell their teachers to fuck off. I'm guessing that's the teacher's fault too.

If I had ever said that to one of my teachers, and my Dad found out, I would not have gone home. I would've moved to Tasmania.